2012: What a stressful year it will be!

Move over Quentin Letts with your acerbic take on the worlds Z list.  Even the Daily Wail's readers comments online thought you were a little caustic, although very funny of course, which is what you were supposed to have been.  People really do take life too seriously don't they?  And of course seriously, we are all going to become, if you haven't already, as 2012 dear tweepers, bloggers and readers will be one hell of a year.  Economic world downturn, wars raging and everyone wanting to 'have a go' at Iran.  

Property prices predicted to fall a little in 2012 by industry experts, although they are cautiously hedging their bets as none of them are really too sure about the world to be honest and Prime Central London is almost bomb proof (with much talk of the £10,000 per sq ft lateral in the near distance) as very little new property comes onto the market.  With many more billions of daft people being born into the world and wandering around the globe, than in previous recessions.  Perhaps with the reports of Amazon selling approx 1 million Kindles every day on line in the run up to Christmas, we should all bury our heads in our new devices and cast away into our own Victorian worlds, to celebrate Charles Dickens's bicentenary, reading all the great man's novels and wishing nasty things away.

So in this last blog of mine for 2011, whilst I could write reams on 2011, whatever is the point?  Everyone has lived and breathed the year literally, metaphorically and through all forms of media till they are blue in their asbo Footlocker faces.  Instead, my top 10 items of 2011 that I feel are worth being mentioned over the past formidable 12 months:

1.  Forget the pampered Duke of Edinburgh being the pre-historic Telegraph's man of the year, nice chap, and he has done well to get this far in the line of duty.  But, by far and away the man of the year award, if there exists such a thing, should be awarded to Mohamed Bouazizi, a Tunisian fruit seller, who burnt himself to death and sparked revolt across the Arab world.  He has changed the world as we know it forever.

2.  We should stop thinking that Africa is only about AIDS, starving children & corruption and look on the positives, especially with more women prime ministers and leaders there which should be encouraged and the only way forward whilst the old tyrants die off with old age.

3.  After initially thinking David Cameron a bit of a killjoy on Europe, perhaps it was right that he said F You as we know that our pasta & foie gras munching friends are seriously jealous of London and The City.  However, my worry is that he hasn't enough depth or genuine charisma for plan B, which of course is to cosy up to the BRICS.  Anyone in the Cabinet besties with Russia & pet puss Putin?  No thought not, unless there is another inside mole a la Tinker Tailor. 

4.  Yotam Ottolenghi, not only should be given his own series after the wonderful BBC4's Jerusalem on a Plate programme, but he could single handedly sort out the Israeli/Palestinian peace process through his love of food & recipes.

5.  Want a laugh with all the serious woes in the world, get down to Bunga Bunga on Battersea Bridge Road for a hysterical look at the world of Silvio Berlusconi.

6.  Dominic Strauss-Kahn, how we hoped you were innocent as most ladies found something secretly fascinating and sexy about you and wondered if you really were an old hair puller.

7.  Sorry almost forgot the Royal Wedding, although god it was dull.  The other royal wedding in Monaco was much more interesting, if only to see the spaced out anxious bride's face - poor girl - it was difficult to know whether she was going to be able to stand up straight for the duration.

8.  Mark Rylance in Jerusalem, amazing, amazing, amazing, the best British actor of our generation.  Frankenstein at The National Theatre a very close 2nd to best acted play of the year.

9.  Best new restaurant goes to The Delaunay.

10. Last but not least, R.I.P. the beyond bright and wonderful Christopher Hitchens.  I could have dedicated an entire blog to him, but am too busy re-reading his articles and books and viewing his brilliant debates on You Tube & the Intelligent Squared website to do so.  Who would of thought that within days, Hitch and Vaclav Havel would have died.  Surely they picked the third from whichever party (probably a re-run of Truman Capote's 1966 Black & White Ball known as the best party ever) they were having a scream at, choosing the next to join them in a pin the tail on the donkey kind of way we hope to set the scene in our heads.  The tail fell on Kim Jong-Il, our dear leader, to be the next famous person to hit the buffers.  All in the week that the Guardian announced that they were cutting their obituaries - terrible timing.

Cultural and not so cultural treats to look forward to in 2012, aside from the blasted Olympics - book your seats now:

1.  Spending hours at the cinema catching up on the pre-Oscar season, let's start with The Artist & The Iron Lady firstly;

2.  Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia - on BBC1 New Year's Day - just to see how much it has changed & of course love Cumberbatch;

3.  Art - what a year, have already done Leonardo old news.  David Hockney & Lucian Freud at Royal Academy, Picasso & Modern British Art at Tate Britain, Damien Hirst & Edvard Munch (obv not together!) at Tate Modern, Queen Elizabeth II by Cecil Beaton at the V&A.

4.  Radio 4 just gets better and better.  First people choke on their between Christmas & New Year late breakfasts to female masturbation being discussed on Women's Hour and then guest editors with Tracey Emin again on the Today programme get everyone in a tiffy - so much better than TV and you learn so much more;

5.  Theatre - Jaime Winstone appears in Sex with a Stranger and Agyness Deyn in her acting debut in The Leisure Society both at the Trafalgar Studios.  Patrick Stewart in Bingo at The Young Vic.  Royal Court Theatre - everything,

6.  Cate Blanchett in Gross und Klein at The Barbican.

7.  Simon Rattle & Nigel Kennedy at the Royal Festival Hall.  Simon Bolivar Symphony Orchestra of Venezuela sold out months ago, bugger.

8.  I think the Hay, Althorp & Cheltenham Festivals this year rather than the wonderful but been there done it five times Port Eliot, in times of austerity and seriousness. 

9.  Books - Lionel Asbo by Martin Amis in July promises to be his most noxious anti-hero yet.

10. Happy New Year everyone & hope your list of New Year's Resolutions suit you well.  One of mine is not to watch X-Factor.  After all my cultural highlights, can you not afford me a little low-brow entertainment?!

Merkozy, 5 Pollen Street & Eat, Shoots & Arrives...

Well the Turner Prize was awarded to Martin Boyce from Glasgow.  So obviously he didn't have too far to go as the prize isn't even now held in a Tate Gallery or at Tate Britain where a lot of the Turner paintings are exhibited anyway - it was held at the Baltic Gallery in Newcastle.  Reflection of the less importance of the prize itself or was it that Lauren Leverne hails from Newcastle and fancied a spot of visiting the folks and presenting the Channel 4 show all at the same time with Goldie in his wild grey snood? Or was it that Martin Boyce wouldn't be prepared to accept his prize, down with the southern softies?!

Richard Godwin in this week's Evening Standard says that the Libyan people have Bernard-Henri Levry (known simply as BHL) to thank for getting rid of Gaddafi.  As a guest on Radio 4 on Monday, the dishy French philosopher - one time paramour of the insatiably stylish Daphne Guinness, as well as being married to the world's most beautiful woman - Arielle Dombale - revealed that it was he who persuaded non hand shaker Nicolas Sarkozy of the moral case for intervention.  Levy's fellow guest, undishy British philosopher Roger Scrutton, was well jel.  "If only public intellectuals had that influence in Britain!" he complained.

For the last generation, despite the twists and turns of Conservative and Labour prime ministers, Britain has been determined to stay at the top table in Europe. This week, David Cameron, after months of posturing and disengagement, took the catastrophic decision to walk away, Ed Miliband says in today's Guardian.  We should be under no illusions about the import, the impact or the reasons behind the decision.  Instead, he has delivered the reality that 26 EU countries will now meet to discuss financial services without our country being represented in the room. That is not in the interests of Britain.  And while Cameron tells us he made his decision to protect British business, it is British business that will lose when Britain is not involved in decisions about their largest export market.

Cameron was obviously sent to Coventry.  Sitting on his own like a Billy No Mates, he did what every furtive singleton does at a bar, waiting for their blind date - start playing on his blackberry whilst in a sea of empty tables and chairs.  Eurozone = 40% of UK trade. City of London = 10% Has Cameron done the right thing?? A French diplomat described the P.M.'s style best, 'David Cameron's negotiating stance was like a man attending a wife-swapping party, without a wife'.

If you were thinking of calling 5 Pollen Street for a table, then I suggest you put the receiver down.  After opening in February to mixed reviews, 5 Pollen Street, situated opposite media posers hang out Pollen Street Social, even with the former Harry’s bar Eugenio Rolfo at the helm, will be lucky to survive another credit crunch bashing year.  It was a great shame that I didn't get to go when it first opened, when the likes of Chris Martin and Gemma Arterton were impressed by the cooking.  Alas, it really did not live up to the mark in the average cooking, souless ambience and most upsetting of all, the outrageous £173 bill for three - with no alcohol - as was taking an AA great friend out for dinner - £4 for a mint tea and £5 for an orange juice out of the carton and not freshly squeezed - sunny delight anyone?!  Sorry to get all Michael Winner, however, such a disappointment, in what must be, London's most beautiful small restaurant - walls covered with fabulous Gary Hume paintings & wall hangings.

In the Independent, David Thomas thinks Pandas are useless, antisocial, frankly rather boring animals. Their rise to global triumph, as a symbol of all things furry, is a telling commentary on our obsession with appearance over substance; for saccharine sentimentality over objective reason and for wishful thinking over harsh reality. Essentially, they are the WAGs of the animal kingdom: superficially attractive in an obvious sort of way, but entirely lacking in any genuine accomplishment.  

Tian Tian, whose name means ‘sweetie’, and Yang Guang, meaning ‘sunlight’, travelled from China on board a Boeing 777F flight dubbed the FedEx ‘Panda Express’, along with a vet and two animal handlers.  Hope they settle in and understand their handlers accents, as well as coping with the cold air and becoming fans of Alex Salmond.    Scotland, as beautiful as you are, you’re welcome to your independence.  We could use all that money that we support you with to improve our terrible schools, churning out our vacuous little monsters.

Aside from above, 10 other things I read, did and encountered this week that may be of interest, or maybe you would prefer me to shut up and you can go back to reading your new Heat magazine:

1.  Skidding up to the Royal Academy door on the last weekend to see Degas & the Ballet: Picturing Movement;

2.  Settling into reading Newsnight's Paul Masons books: Meltdown: The End of the Age of Greed & Why It's Kicking Off Everywhere: The New Global Revolution;

3.  Listening to the 'world's most influential ad man' on Desert Island Discs: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b017vjlw/Desert_Island_Discs_Martin_Sorrell/

4.  Leaving the Christmas drinks parties before it all gets too messy & embarrassing;

5.  Wondering who in their right mind talking of embarrassing, would ever put themselves forward for Channel 4's Embarrassing Bodies;

6.  Amazing Jonathan Yeo: You're Only Young Twice plastic surgery paintings at Lazarides Rathbone gallery;

7.  At last, not buying new CD's and downloading everything onto the i-pod/i-phone;

8.  Wanting an i-pod docker as earphones giving me a grannyish ear ache;

9.  Looking forward to watching other Ryan Gosling films after seeing his performance in Ides of March;

10. Not giving a hoot about the dreadful X-Factor final - even their mentors are mortified by the average bunch left, not a patch on X-Factor USA - go Chris Rene!  Best to book tonight's 5x15 event instead for Human Rights Day featuring Nick Broomfield/Craig Brown/Giles Duley/Beverley Naidoo/Terry Waite in Shoreditch.