Time travels at 100 miles an hour, even more in a city like London. If only it had zoomed by on the 29th of April though. The Royal Wedding of course. Fantastically absorbing for the first 1-2 hours and then felt like wading through mud for the latter part of the most over hyped day of the year, as being abroad I watched it alternating between the stuffy BBC and Piers Morgan on CNN, I hear that ITV was the best choice of the day, although that was not an option in the Middle East. The Queen of course is amazing and will not hear a bad word said about her, she was there without Zachary. David Beckham decided to be styled by Ricky Gervais, his wife who of course is not Posh mistakenly thought that they were going to a funeral, which if they had, she would've been the best dressed guest. Tara P-T suffered from colour blindness and only thought that the one available colour was cobalt blue, wearing a hat pointing to her new nose. Her sister Santa, who is usually amazingly stylish threw on an old fox throw which made her ensemble very 80's. Three women turned up in the same Matthew Williamson leopard print coat.
The Only Way is Essex (TOWIE) may be the most fun programme on television until next week's the Only Way is Chelsea, however, it was far too obvious that Prince Andrew's daughters (Fergie not being invited was a travesty) and the Spencer girls to take TOWIE as their ultimate inspiration. I did a double take as the King of Tong arrived, he is the spitting image of Mohamed Al-Fayed! Now that would have been controversial. Which sadly there was not a whisper of controversy, wit or charisma in any of the performance. Miriam Clegg thought that she was auditioning for Evita, Samantha Cameron was dressed for a week day evening London drinks party (Burberry dress sold out on-line within an hour at £496) and William Hague's wife Ffion milked the leg to full effect to bag a ring side view. Boris gave an interview as he was walking into the church, his poor wife standing 100 metres away on the grass behind. He was very funny, although I wouldn't vote for him again as Mayor and has given the happy couple a tandem bicycle for a wedding present.
Harry looked pale and tired, removing his hat on arrival at the church, he began sweating like a very hot and bothered rapist. Thank goodnesss someone had the good sense to tell him which fancy dress outfit to wear for the day, as the last one would not have been terribly appropriate. The wedding ring ideally needed a glob of KY Jelly to get it over Catherine's anxious swollen finger. The conversations of the day, interpreted by lip leaders were beyond banal: Wills: "Are you ok?" Kate: "Yeah" In the carriage: Wills: "There are lots of people here". Kate: "Yeah". Just like the conversations of the other Royale Family. Whilst not the most interesting, they looked sensational and the Middletons did very well under the pressure. Pippa will get her own TV show, her alledgedly sexually ambivalent brother was one of the best dressed men at the wedding and no wonder Mike Middleton couldn't wait to get home to Bucks and jump on his lawn mower in relief. The family scheming had not only bagged the big one, it had also ensured that the whole family would be made for life, even if the most embarassing moment went to Carole's choice of disco party song, 'We don't have to take our clothes off.....to have a good time, oh no.' At least Prince Charles didn't throw Camilla's grand child off the balcony Michael Jackson style as was for seconds the thought in everyone's head.
What better way for Obama to win his 2nd term in office than kill Osama Bin Laden! What a load of old tosh, they must think we were born yesterday. Now that Obama has shown us his birth certificate and Donald Trump must be fuming, am sure we will see Osama's death certificate, but don't hold your breath. Why not spin a great story when you're lagging behind in the polls, shoot the mad mullahs in the tranquility of their bougainvillea luxury villa in the sun Team America style, "OMG there's the motherf**ker" and toss them immediately into the sea, why makes perfect sense. Sarah Palin was going to give a speech about it but she's not sure who Osama is, she think she's running against him in the next primary and she has absolutely no idea where Pakistan is even located. In today's Los Angeles Times she says 'Osama's death is a victory for the victims'. Am afraid that it is a little too late, Time magazine summed it up by saying, "In many ways, he [Bin Laden] is yesterday's man".
Having just returned from a fabulous 10 days in Dubai, I have to say despite the lovely weather here in the UK - it is still rather cold unless you walk on the sunny side of the street. Dubai averaged 37-40 degrees every day and it was a very pleasant heat once acclimatised. They said that if they built it people would come and see it, which is not strictly the case. The recession has run deep and long here and whilst the Malls (Dubai Mall being my favourite, closely followed by DIFC) are well populated with families at the aquarium and the restaurants at all price levels are heaving, the tills are not running out of paper in the clothes and other retail stores.
There is certainly culture if you seek it out and whilst sounding like a complete tourist, the Big Bus Company Tours are probably the best way to see the City condensed into a 48 hour ride. New Dubai which is anything built further out than Sheikh Zayed Road is monstrous and over built in parts and reminds one of the Costas. However, the cleanliness and passion for service, although pretty patchy and inefficient, is well meaning in the most part. Bartering is always fun for anything and there are a few bargains but hard to find. Shopping and eating out is about a third more expensive than London and the Nobu at The Atlantis on The Palm wasn't a patch on Nobu in London, either in the service which was pretty shoddy - the black cod arrived a whole 25 minutes after the steamed broccoli and rice- and the atmosphere and clientele left something to be desired. The way of life is more relaxed and I managed to catch up with some wonderful friends that now call Dubai home. It seems a good option for a family holiday what with the guaranteed sunshine year round, the locals emphasis on family life, family geared activities and little to zero crime. Having said that still not quite ready to leave the dirty, grey skies of London to live elsewhere just yet.
Aside from above, 10 other things I read, did and encountered this week that may be of interest, or maybe you would prefer me to shut up and you can go back to reading your new Heat magazine:
1. Enjoying a delicious lunch at Heston Blumenthal's new restaurant Dinner at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Knightsbridge. The service is almost better than the food;
2. The full Guardian obituary http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/may/02/osama-bin-laden-obituary;
3. Tempting fate by booking al fresco events this summer, started already with the perennial favourite Lemonia;
4. Must, must, must use more sunblock;
5. Jewellery from Ippolita at Harrods;
6. Waiting for The Killing to be reduced on Amazon & then wanting to know that the fuss is all about, sadly missed it on TV;
7. No need to join a gym, just log onto pay as you gym and make a choice;
8. Watching Young, Rich & Househunting on BBC3;
9. Going to the 5 x 15 talks/events, more interesting and well run than BookSlam;
10. Looking forward to the Bank Holiday at the end of May....zooming on another aeroplane.
The Royal Wedding...
The Lowdown, the analysis & the cutting remarks on the most hyped day of the year are work in progress.... to be continued shortly......
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